Levi_Mckeel's Xanga

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 05:46:41 GMT

a cold nite.
a hot fire
a nice hookah
and a amazing friend.

one of life's beautiful moments.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 07:17:17 GMT

for any of you that think being gay is a choice...

its not.

i would never choose this, never.

i am so tired. god am i ever tired of it all.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 11:07:58 GMT

I have so much frustration built up and side of me.

Me and God have had a long conversation tonight/this morning, i have still yet to sleep.

I still cant seem to trust him with this one thing. not that its a little thing.

But i know i can trust him, i know i should trust him. but i just cant seem to yet....

frustration.

damn i am sure impatient.....and scared to be honest.

oi....in due time i suppose, He/She (i hate always referring to God as a he) always takes care of me, i know i'll be more then just ok.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 07:46:52 GMT

i want to write. i want all that i am thinking to be written out.

but i cant get it out.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 04:06:18 GMT

i never would have thought that it would take a swing from a sledge hammer to put the last few peaces of my heart in place...

1 week ago today was that sledge hammer, the events that make up this sledge hammer will not be discussed in this blog, but you may feel free to ask if you with to know, just give me a call or something.

I finally see clearly what Gary saw, maybe not in the same light, or for the same reason. The whole reason he ended our relationship is because he felt that as much as we loved each other, that there where things we both wanted from the person that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with that would could not give to the other, with out compromising who we really where, and that there was someone out there that would work better for both of us. I finally see that there is so much truth behind that.

Ever sense Gary and I have parted way, there has been this constant discomfort or ache in my heart....even on my best days it was there. It is finally gone! I am past moving on, and have moved on. Now that dose not mean i am ready to be in a relationship, or that i will not miss him at times, i know i will. Gary was my first love, and the first man i have ever wanted to give all my self to and spend my life with, although my heart is finally put back together, there is still a small part that will forever be missing, it will always be with him.

that all being said, i am just excited. I am finally excited to see what the future holds, for the love story that will be written. I am and always be a hopeless romantic, just who i am, and i know everything is going to play out beautifully. But i am in no hurry to rush the story, it will all be written in due time.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 16:28:07 GMT

i connected with this song, i have heard it before...but i really connected with it this time. a huge shit happend to me on sunday, i will share it on here soon, but untill then, watch this video, and read the lyrics, i made a few changes to the lyrics in bold.

this song is dedicated to...well you know who you are...

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you (I) said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She (He) said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She (He) said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She (He) said I think I'll go to Boston (Austin)...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California (Houston), I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain (Ireland)...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

You don't know me, you don't even care...

Boston(Austin)... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

by Augustana with ( ) by levi

and just for the record, a few people there know my name...but you get the point.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 08:28:36 GMT

"We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance letting you inside"
~life house~

so what if you let them inside, and they ran?
what if you lost your soul mate?
is there only one out there, that is our true soul mate?
and if so, and you lose them, what do you do then?

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 04:30:47 GMT

so its been a while sense i have posted any new pics, i have had several shoots in the past month, so i will post a few pics from my last few shoots, from oldest to most recent... let me know what you think...

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 23:44:50 GMT

i am finally moving on.

have been for a while, but i am finally in a place where i have been going on a few dates here and there, not anybody that i am really interested, well there is one person, but i don't plan on being in a serious relationship for a while. although i am moving on, it dose not mean my heart has mended all the way.

its weird cause i am moving on, but there is no doubt about it, i love Gary unconditionally, there is nothing he could do to lose my love. Although i wonder what even thinks of me these days, like so many others in my life right now, i dont think he really knows who i am am. I have finaly accepted so many things about my self and about life in general. I finaly look in the mirror and see a man, and i am not the same person i was a year ago, or 6 mos ago for that matter. I see that me and gary will not be together again...and i am ok with that, what i am not so ok with is the idea that we wont be friends. But i suppose that he has to do what he has to do, that dose not mean i have to like it, or that i dont miss him.

As for whats next, the move. this move will be good for me, i have never lived on my own, and i have never lived out of houston (accept for that 9 months at the honor academy). i am not who most people beleive me to be any more...so this move is just what i need. My own place, a new city, new job, new friends, reunited with some old friends and just a clean slate. i am not nieve enough to think a move will fix my life, but then again, my lifes not broken. it is simply just time, everything about this move feels right.

::raises wine glass:: heres to whats ahead....the unknowen. its going to be a blast.

tossing and turning...

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 06:05:01 GMT

"maybe someday in a place, thats far away from here, i will hold you near.
maybe someday in a dream, we can meet again, we can try again
maybe someday we can be, everything we ever dreamed, i will never let you go, till our love runs out hope.
and then well find away to death, and i wont rest my head and darkness on you chest

maybe someday all our love will have its way, but for the moment, this travesty will take the day."

a song by: chase jenkins

and the current reason i am unable to sleep.